Something might have gone very, very, wrong with modern football

LUMP ON FOUR GOALS OR MORE, YOU’LL SOON SEE WHY
Everyone’s a cynic these days, but don’t let the miserable swines grind you down. It’s the FA Cup final on Saturday and it’s OK to get excited. It’s not a particularly fashionable viewpoint, granted, but to hell with the pinch-faced cognoscenti! The Fiver is already lost in a reverie of all those famous finals from the competition’s heyday, like when Sunderland beat Nasty Leeds 1-0, or Southampton beat Manchester United 1-0, or Ipswich beat Arsenal 1-0, or Spurs beat QPR 1-0, or Wimbledon beat Liverpool 1-0. Ah misty water-coloured memories of a time when the sun always shone, the whole nation watched on, and Rizla had a surprisingly strong brand presence on the pitchside hoardings.

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